Talk to us.

MESSAGE     ARCHIVE    RSS     THEME    Dealing with Depression?   The Staff   
"Dear Tumblr" is an advice blog that focuses on you and what you need to talk about.
Started by Alishia and Melody, we carefully selected a small, trusted staff that was chosen based on their compassion, understanding, and ability to convey advice into a relatable and sincere answer. These are all the things offered to you when you come to us with a question.
"Dear Tumblr" is in NO WAY affiliated with tumblr.com or any of its creators. It is its own blog dedicated to helping people with anything.
Anon will always remain on, and you can even email us your question at deartumblradvice@yahoo.com.
**Update: Our staff has been chosen! Thank you so much for everyone who submitted an application, and never hesitate to continue helping people (:
       Anonymous

Aww, those stink. Man, these situations are sticky. For me personally, I would say move on. I know you want to hold onto that chance of hope between you and him, but if things don’t end up well with your best friend and guy friend and he goes to you, think about how that makes you look. (You also have to keep in mind about his reasons for coming to you so soon after his breakup, if it happens. You don’t want to be a rebound.)

I’m not very good at this because it’s so difficult. There’s this guy I like right now and my friend also likes him. Like right now, I’m literally stuck between going for him and letting my friend go for him. Normally, I don’t back down from guys that I like but I ask myself: Do I like him so much that I am willing to lose my friend for him? Because you have to think realistically as well. If you end up with your guy friend, how will your friend feel? Will you lose a friend for a boyfriend? Is it worth it? Is he worth it? Ask yourself these questions.

Is he that kind of guy where it’s all worth it? Is he the one that makes you feel like you have butterflies in your stomach and makes you smile and laugh and happy? If he does not realize your value and worth, then maybe he’s not worth YOUR time. He isn’t the only fish in the sea. Major cliché, but it’s true, my dear. There will be other guys out there. I would advise you to wish your best friend and your guy friend the best and be happy for them. And then keep an open heart and mind and the right guy will come into your life. I promise. And he will see you and only you and nothing else will matter. :)

I’m sorry if this wasn’t helpful at all. Come back if you need more! It’s really hard with situations like these. I wish you the absolute best in everything. You deserve being someone’s first choice. <3 Tiff 



       Anonymous

YOU ARE NOT A WASTE OF LIFE. I am telling you straight up that you are definitely not a waste of life. You are here for a reason and although it may seem murky at times, you are a unique individual and you are wanted here.  I know life seems hard and complicated and that sometimes, it has more downs than it does ups. I know because everyone experiences that. What I tell myself is that since I know life is such a roller coaster, I tell myself to cherish the ups and hold onto them. I am thankful for the little things and knowing that makes me happier.

You are not expected to know everything and do everything perfectly. Don’t compare yourself to other people out there. It is not worth it. Don’t compare your moments backstage to someone else’s moments in the spotlight. I read that quote somewhere and it resonated with me so so so much. Everywhere has their own struggle; they’re fighting their own battle. And you know what? Everyone is a warrior; everyone is a hero. YOU are a warrior. YOU are a hero of your own battles. When you feel like there is nothing to life, pause, breathe in, breathe out and relax. Don’t focus on the bad. Focus on the good things. Tell yourself, “I have a pretty smile so I will make sure to smile at everyone today.” And you know what happens when you smile at a stranger? You could have possibly made their day. You could have saved them from doing something they would regret that evening. Just one smile goes a long way. Who would have thought? YOU make a difference. YOU are a warrior. YOU are a hero.

No one is a waste of life. If you’re in high/middle school or college, I know times may be tough but you know what? High/middle school or college is not the end of the road. There is so much in store for you. You just need to be walking on your journey to find it. There will be obstacles that will hinder your ability to pass through. But you know what obstacles do? They make you think differently. They make you push yourself so that you can appreciate it when the pathway is sunny and clear and the birds are chirping and there is not a worry in the world.

Let me tell you something. Imagine that humanity, the whole world, is water. You know what happens when you put your finger in the world, even at the slightest touch? You make ripples. The water has changed. YOU are a ripple. YOU make a change in the world. YOU matter. Your life is valuable. YOU are valuable. I believe in you because I know that life gets better. It will get better. Because there is no one else in the world like you. You are a unique individual who deserves all the happiness in the world. And you will get it. It just takes time and patience and love … and appreciation. So appreciate everything, everyone, but most importantly, appreciate yourself.

Smile. It might make someone’s day. <3 Tiff



       Anonymous

Would it be insane if I told you I experienced the EXACT same thing? :) In high school, when I was a freshman, I developed a huge crush on this senior. In most cases, I know it’s frowned upon on and a lot of people would think, “Oh, the senior just wants to get it with the freshman” etc etc. And in some cases, sure, maybe that is the case. But not with me. The guy was pretty much my ideal person, too. Hahah 

What I would do, back then, was just to be near him. Since he was a senior and I was still a freshman, I didn’t have any classes with him. I did, however, have lunch with him and we rode the same bus. So during lunch, I would just sit across from him and my friends would be there as well. So what I did was that I would talk to him about his classes at the very beginning until I got to know him a little bit more. Of course, I didn’t spend the entire lunch hour on him. That would make it completely obvious that I liked him and I didn’t nor could I show that I liked him. (Which is a completely different story lol) So more than 3/4 of the time during lunch, I didn’t pay him any attention. Although I did make sure to smile extra bright or laugh really prettily (LOL) or just, once in a while, during my conversations with my other friends, I would look at him and smile. It’s always the little things that I make sure to do to get his attention. During the first few weeks, I didn’t sit next to him on the bus because it seemed a little too soon so there is no story there YET. I also added him on Facebook and MSN (which was the “thing” back then). On Facebook and MSN, I always initiated the conversation. I would always ask him how his day went or just anything that I knew he liked. For example, I found out that he is a huge fan of this particular singer. So I would talk to him about that.
Myself personally, when I like a guy, I go for him. I don’t stand around waiting for him to figure out that I like him. I initiate the conversation; I subtly flirt, and just made sure I was around them more.
Fast forward a month in, we were sitting together on the bus, sitting together at lunch, talking on MSN and the phone. If you ask him how I did it, I will tell you to be the first one to go forward. Just talk to him about anything and EVERYTHING. Literally.

TLDR: Find out his interests (by talking to him. NOT by stalking his Facebook). Talk to him in real life about it. Add him on Facebook and talk on there. Once you’re more comfortable, get his phone number and text him. (Side story: There was this one time I was talking to this really cute guy on Facebook. We were still getting to know each other and didn’t have each other’s phone number yet. So, that day, we were chatting through Facebook Chat and I had to leave, so I was like: “Hey, I have to go now, but text me! XXX-XXX-XXXX and then he texted me and I got his number! Easy peasy hahahahaha) Although I would advise you not to rush into calling him yet since you’re not completely comfortable with conversations. Once you’re to this stage, you can gauge where his feelings for you are and where your feelings for him are and suggest a date. Then you can go from there.

For me personally, this process took time. His feelings for me didn’t develop overnight. It took weeks! So take your time, get to know him, let him get to know you, have fun with each other and just go for it! <3 Tiff 



       Anonymous

You’ve come to the right place then lovely! Just send a message anonymously, or off anonymous because then we can keep the conversation private for you,-Love Indiana x



Oh this situation is always tricky. :s I was friends, like really really good friends, with this guy my junior year of high school. What made it so amazing (our friendship) was that I knew for a fact that we were never ever gonna have feelings for one another. So I treated him well and he treated me well. But then our senior year, things changed. They just changed. He started treating me differently and his feelings started developing more than mine were. I tried to ignore it and treat him the same, but it’s difficult…so difficult. I tried to not say anything, but it’s hard ya know? In the end, we just kinda .. broke up. :( He also has a girlfriend now and things between us is like we’re strangers—acquaintances. So yeah—that’s my story but you definitely don’t deserve this ending. 

Whatever the argument is about, think about this: is your pride worth more than your relationship? If your pride is worth more, than just stop and don’t do anything about it. But if you can look past your pride, then call him or text him and meet up together at like an ice cream parlor or coffee shop. If you really miss him and you guys were best friends, then chances are that he misses you, too. If calling or texting is too much right now, you could try messaging him on Facebook. Just approach with caution and definitely don’t accuse him or yourself of anything that has happened in the past. Tell him that you miss him and that you want to talk because friendship is so precious that letting something so wonderful go to waste is just not worth it. 

I hope I was of help! Let me know if you need anything else. I’ll definitely be here for you <3Tiff



Hi dear, will it be cliche if I tell you that I completely understand what you’re feeling right now? And I’m not just saying that because I pretend like I understand, but I really do because I’ve been there before. I’ve experienced those exact feelings. 

I remember thinking that there were more bad days than good. I thought that my future seemed bleak and gray. I thought probably the same thoughts that you did. It’s just so hard and sometimes we feel like the world just doesn’t get us. And you’re right. The world doesn’t. But that doesn’t mean it’s the world’s fault completely. As teenagers, we’re so compelled to bottle everything inside and then when something just pushes us over the edge, we explode. And it’s a vicious cycle that happens over and over again. I have experienced that feeling before. So many times. 

And I can’t say that it will get better tomorrow, because I do not know if it will get better tomorrow. All I can say is that it does get better. It really does. When I was 16, I was doing well in school. I had friends. I was a good daughter to my parents. But it felt like I was empty inside, you know? Like nothing was really worth it. And I knew that life was valuable and things like that but it was hard convincing myself. But you know what I did? I got through it. Now that’s not to say that I simply just walked across and emerged unscathed. No, no, no, noooo. It was like a minefield. I had to walk, and crawl, and jump, and stop and freeze and run and even fly. It was so hard, but you know what? I learned to accept that life will not always be perfect. I learned that the smallest things in life makes me the happiest. Like when my mom lets me sleep in a little bit longer during the weekends because she knows how tired I am from all the schoolwork during the week. Like the fact that the sun always shines after the rain passes. Like the fact that my adorable little nephew can walk now. You learn that nothing in life is ever perfect and accept the little things that make you happy. 

Family problems are always happening. You make seem like you’re the only family who seems dysfunctional or weird or just crazy and you want a perfect family. Well darling, no family is ever perfect. Right now, I’m in college and I miss my family more than ever. Sure, I still get annoyed when my little sisters touch my stuff without permission (GRRR) and I hate it when my little brothers just play on the computers all day and how my older brother likes to boss me around but you know what? I still miss them and love them so much. Because we can’t pick our family. And because of that reason, I love them so much more. My family is not the kind to openly express our feelings of love for one another. Oh no no no nooo. But it’s just the little things that make my heart feel warm and at ease because I know that my family loves me and I love them. 

When I was younger, I did not get along with my older brother AT ALL. I remember one day, a long time ago, when I was like 12 and my brother was like 13. We were fighting about something that I forgot and in that moment, I hated him so much that I just threw my water at him. Like we were constantly fighting. But you know what happened after we both grew up and matured? We got along. We’re not like close, bffs no jk, but we’re on really good terms now.
I also used to get so mad at my mom that I would say swear words under my breath at her. Like I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t understand me at all. It was so annoying, but you know what? I was 16. I was young and I just wanted to feel control over something when it felt like my world was just spinning out of control. But I grew close to my mom as the years went by. I love her so much and I still get mad at her and annoyed but I know that everything she is doing to me is in my best interests. I love her to death. I miss her so much right now. :’( And I regret not appreciating my mom more when I was with her. It’s just weird communicating that you appreciate or love your family members, but just think that it’s the little things that count. So next time it’s your brother’s turn to wash the dishes, tell him you’ll do it for the night! And then he’ll notice and then hopefully, he will return the favor. It’s just all in good time my dear. 

Come back anytime you need to rant or talk or advice or anything. I’m always here for you. <3Tiff



       Anonymous

I’m glad I could be of assistance. :) Come back if you need anything else, love. - Tiff 



       Anonymous

I apologize this took so long! First and foremost, talk to someone you trust — an adult. Tell your mom what happened. Tell her how that encounter is making you feel. With that, you should consider keeping some pepper spray with you at all times when you’re outside. I was once followed with an overly emotional guy during my senior year in high school. It made me so paranoid that I burst into tears one day during school when I was telling my friends why I was so paranoid. After that, they teamed up and made sure I was okay. One of my friends told me to go tell the counselor and I didn’t want to at first, but boy was I glad I did. I felt calmer after I told an adult. And then I told my brother who is a cop and he gave me my own pepper spray. 

I am saying this delicately and with caution, but he may just be some drunkard who is looking to get some attention and this encounter may have made you extremely paranoid. This does not go to say that you shouldn’t be cautious — you should. But you should still have a sense of safety as well. I think that looking things up on the Internet made you feel even more paranoid because the stuff you read does not relate to you. You may be reading something and notice an insignificant detail that your mind immediately finds a connection to. Therefore, you are suddenly extremely aware of everything that you read and it all somehow relates to you. This can happen when you’re in the state that you currently are. I know you want to be cautious, but first you should tell an adult, stop reading things on the Internet because it will only make you more scared, and consider pepper spray. When you go outside, try not to go by yourself and look at your surroundings often. I know this is scary, but you should regain your sense of security back with what I suggested. I know it’s hard (believe me, I do) but don’t carry this alone. Tell someone and always have a buddy. You’re never too old for the buddy system. Let me know how it goes, okay? We’re all here for you Stay BeauTIFFul